--- id: flying-free-14-think-straight title: Chapter 14 – Think Straight category: Biblical Life Counsel predicted_narrative_arc: crisis-reaction-to-controlled-perspective sentiment: reflective-advisory emotions: - anger - frustration - regret - resolve keypoints: - Ask why you are angry before reacting - Anger destroys return routes and complicates recovery - 'Three methods: blame others, ignore it, or look beyond irritation' - Biblical calls to harmony and not repaying evil with evil - Personal anger after father's death led to misplaced blame and lost energy summary: Chapter 14 addresses anger as a common reaction to crisis and offers biblical counsel on managing it to preserve energy for recovery. Dean shares examples of destructive anger responses and three common handling methods, advocating for analysis, harmony, and future focus instead. Personal anecdotes include a volatile friend, retirement account losses, and grief over his father's death during high school. tags: - childhood - family - faith - work - testing - gratitude - reverence - warmth - conviction - anger-management - biblical-advice - crisis-recovery - think-straight - personal-stories - biblical-counsel - personal-story sycophancy: 1 truth_score: 8 entropy: 4 updated: '2026-09-08T20:49:33Z' vault_stage: 07_CODEX headwaters: COMPA prefix: COMPA enrich_status: ok enrich_blockers: [] enrich_method: llm pipeline_filename: COMPA_2026-09-08_chapter-14-think-straight.md proposed_topic: Stories lane: Stories description: Anger is a waste of time and energy. Dean shares how he overcame the anger that followed his father’s death and offers a biblical recipe for replacing anger with hope and forward motion. routing_source: carbon corpus_topic: Stories --- # Chapter 14 ## Think Straight – Stop Anger Now! **Full book:** https://deanrush.net/downloads/flyingfreebook.md --- ### Context for the Reader This chapter closes Section I by addressing one of the most common emotional responses to crisis: anger. Dean gives practical, biblical counsel on how to stop anger from stealing the energy needed for recovery. The poem by Helen Steiner Rice at the end is a fitting transition into Section II: Take Proper Action. --- When crisis occurs in life it can easily upset the calmest personality and often results in plain, straightforward anger. When I see that reaction I have learned to ask a very simple question: “Do you even know why you are angry?” Anger can result from the most benign, casual encounters or from the most extreme crisis situations. It can also unconsciously be directed at others without our intent. It boils up and presents itself at unexpected times—and sometimes we don’t even know why. Anger is normally a real part of crisis so we must learn to deal with it. If you have been laid off you may direct your anger at the boss who gave you the lay-off notice. If you have lost a relationship, you may be angry at the lost love or friend. We have a friend we have known for many years who reacts almost violently when things do not go his way. Sometimes rather than simply burning bridges behind him, our friend blew them up. Burning a bridge and blowing them up both have the effect of destroying the return route. He destroyed any possibility of developing a route to calm the issue. This is his personal way of handling stress. Instead of maintaining control of the problem and analyzing the situation, he attacks the messenger. His usual reaction is saying the problem was caused by someone else. Solomon said, “An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot tempered one commits many sins” Proverbs 29:22 (NIV). When you experience an emergency, it helps to stop, analyze, and realize there are going to be consequences for your actions. Our friend’s anger only complicated his ability to get back to a normal life. Determining ahead of time to stop and analyze is a good idea for anyone. The Bible has some very sound advice for those times when you become angry with someone, a circumstance, or some company that, you feel, has torn your life apart. The Bible tells us to develop harmony rather than revenge. That is a tough assignment sometimes, but necessary if you wish to gain a new perspective. 1 Peter 3:8-9 (NIV) says, “Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” I have found there are normally three ways people handle the anger. One common method of handling anger is to determine that you are right and the person to whom you are directing your aggressive thoughts is absolutely wrong. That seems to be the easiest and most commonly used method of reacting with anger. That method is used by a person (sometimes me) who could not be more wrong in their thought process. The “other fellow is always wrong” reaction will only continue to exacerbate the issue, and is unlikely to solve the problem. One day when upset about something that had happened to my retirement account I was fussing and fuming to my wife about the losses. She very calmly asked if I could have done anything to have stopped the slide on Wall Street that resulted in the deterioration of our retirement savings. I said, “Not really, but I guess I should have sold the stock before the drop.” She smiled and said, “You are right.” We agreed and laughed, but it didn’t restore the money we had lost. Another common method of handling anger is to ignore the feeling and not deal with it. In a role as a marriage counselor, I am told that the “ignorance is bliss method” is normally disastrous. It seldom works because it only increases tension and does not relieve the problem. “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV). When Paul authored that statement in his letter to the church at Ephesus, he could have intended it for those who want to ignore their anger. It is better to get the problem out in the open than to allow it to fester. Anger stops progress, especially in problem solving, and festers. The advice applies to both business relationships and marriages. The third common method of handling anger is to look beyond your irritation. Anger is a road that leads to nowhere, but moving focus from the angst of the moment to the future can change your environment. It moves your attitude from concentrating on the angst of the present problem to the possibilities of the future. By consciously looking at a goal beyond your present situation you can leave anger behind. When I have experienced anger, the result is usually the same: nothing is resolved and my energy level for recovery diminishes proportionately with the level of the anger. It is important to get anger behind you. My father died when I was in high school and he missed my senior year playing basketball. That year was something I had looked forward to throughout high school and I became absolutely absorbed by the events surrounding my father’s death. I was angry, but I really didn’t know whom to direct my aggression toward. It did not seem fair. It did not seem real and I asked myself over and over again how I could have ended up in that situation. I blamed his death on the stress of his life as a farmer. I blamed myself, thinking that if I could have only helped out when I was younger maybe he would have lived longer. I blamed my desire to play basketball, because I knew he had sacrificed some of his own pleasures to allow me to go practice and participate. In fact, I began to blame myself for the whole situation, and that turned into all-out anger at why I had been so selfish to allow him to be concerned. Wow! As I look back on the situation, anger overwhelmed me to the point that I stopped progressing in school, in my spiritual life, and even in basketball. I just wanted someone to pay and prove to me that I was not at fault for my father’s premature death. As my high school senior year progressed, I began to receive advice from a number of people who really cared about me. These people all told me to go forward with life but I did not listen. They were saying, *Just get on with your life and try not to be so upset with what has happened. Your dad would have certainly wanted you to keep moving on with life.* It all sounded logical but it was difficult to swallow because my thought process continued to give me reflections of my father sitting on the sidelines at my ball games, laughing with excitement when I made a basket or giving me a hug when the game was completed, whether we won or lost. He had been there and now I missed that security and that love. Eventually, a teacher pulled me aside and told me I was wasting the best time in my life. He knew my father and had never seen him angry at anyone. He greatly admired that trait and modeled his own life to be positive no matter what the circumstance. My father had set a positive example that helped him and he was now relaying that same advice to me: “Don’t waste your life being angry.” That teacher could have walked away and never said those words to me. I would probably be still, decades later, thinking about how to get even with someone I could not even find to scream at. Instead, he took time to point out to me that I was angry with the situation and there is no reward in angry thoughts. If I really wanted to make my dad happy, I should look to the future and not the past so there would be hope for doing something good with my life. It was simple advice but great instruction for any bout with anger. I love the words of Paul quoted in Romans 12:12 (NIV) that state, “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Paul had it right. When you get angry there is only one way to handle the situation and that is to back off and do exactly the opposite of what the world tells you to do. He says to be joyful, have hope, be patient with the affliction, and then to pray. Look beyond the problem and concentrate on hope. I can attest to the fact that the recipe works because it takes away your inability to deal with anger. I began to realize that if I was going to find joy in life, I had to concentrate on positive rather than negative images in my mind. I had to develop a scenario that looked forward and not behind. I did not stop thinking about my father and I certainly did miss him, but I decided to try my teacher’s recipe for joy. The negative thoughts began to be replaced by images of how Dad would have reacted to some of the things I was doing and I began remembering conversations I had had with him. My dad had already experienced a heart attack when he was young but he was looking forward to our lives and helping us plan for our future. How fortunate I was to have experienced that kind of love and caring from a man whom I admired so much. As I began to reflect on those conversations, I remembered hearing him say if I really wanted to go to college I could, if I would develop my basketball skills and get a scholarship. That’s when I began to realize the third method of dealing with the anger I was generating in my life. My life goals began to change and I did not just play basketball to enjoy the game. I instead began playing it as if my life depended upon it. My dream was to get a college degree, fulfill the wishes of my father, and prepare for the future. Joyful goals replaced anger and my life became bearable and useful again. I could have easily continued my quest to find the culprit or circumstance that caused my father’s death, but when I began looking at a method of going forward, the reality of the situation became evident. My advice to avoid being angry is simple: don’t waste valuable time. I had discovered the easiest way to address my negative feelings was to replace them with positive goals. After reading this paragraph it shouldn’t surprise you for me to say, “I can tell you from personal experience that anger is a waste of time and energy.” Paul continued in Romans 12 to say a couple more things about being angry that are very pertinent to this discussion. He said in verse 17, “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.” Again, if we spend our time doing something positive rather than being angry, we can be assured something good will happen. It saves our time, lives, and emotions. A very good friend reminded me that God wants us to succeed through all the turmoil of life and one of the best means of doing that is to rely on Him. We can avoid being angry by simply meeting God. This poem by Helen Steiner Rice graphically illustrates that thought. **Meet God in the morning** **And go with Him through the day** **And thank Him for His guidance** **Each evening when you pray,** **And if you follow faithfully** **This daily way to pray** **You will never in your lifetime** **Face another “hopeless day,”** **For like a soaring eagle** **You too can rise above** **The “storms of life” around you** **On the wings of prayer and love.** — Helen Steiner Rice --- **Next:** Section II – Take Proper Action begins with Chapter 15: Fly Inverted – A Different View **Full book:** https://deanrush.net/downloads/flyingfreebook.md